Revising for the Next Draft:

How Can You Improve a Paragraph?

At the end of the story you can see just how much Dee doesn’t know. She thinks she’s way smarter than she is. The following quotation proves this. “You just don’t understand . . . your heritage.” She said this to Mama and it is not true. She’s the one who doesn’t know. This proves just how much Dee doesn’t know.

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By the end of the story, Dee truly reveals her ignorance. When she doesn’t get what she wants for the first time ever, she becomes angry at her mother and blurts out, “You just don’t understand . . . your heritage.” Dee’s statement is incredibly ironic. Clearly, Mama and Maggie do understand their heritage and she does not. She thinks “heritage” is something to hang on the wall to impress her friends. Maggie and Mama, however, understand that heritage is much deeper, that it involves the connection to and admiration of their ancestors, that it is about real people who have passed down knowledge, care, and tradition.

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Throughout the entire story, Osborn thinks he knows it all. He is so stuck up. “Maybe with a little less of that bloody cautiousness you English wouldn’t have made a mess of Everest. Maybe your pals Mallory and Furness wouldn’t be dead.” He is so rude. Who would say that? He thinks he is so much better than everyone else. He acts like a little boy. He just whines because he didn’t get his way. He wishes he was the best, he was more like Nace. He is dangerous. He is always in such a hurry that he never stops to think. He needs to stop and think.

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Until the very end of the story, Osborn acts as if he knows more than everyone else. When Nace rationally explains why they should take the longer route to the ridge, Osborn explodes in frustration and blurts out:

Maybe with a little less of that bloody cautiousness you English wouldn’t have made a mess of Everest. Maybe your pals Mallory and Furness wouldn’t be dead.

At this point, Osborn is so angry that he actually accuses Nace of causing the death of his best friend. Through this outburst, Osborn shows just how truly out of control he is. He crosses every line of reasonable behavior and reveals his underlying insecurity. He constantly acts as if he knows more than everyone else, tries to bully them into agreeing with him, and then ends in a tantrum. Clearly, his know-it-all attitude is just a front, just a mask to cover his insecurity about not being the great climber he aspires to be. If he doesn’t have the mental strength to shut his own mouth, why would anyone trust him to have the judgment to conquer a mountain?